Sunday, December 12, 2010

Safe Keeping.

This is a poem i wrote... Wrote it in another language because i think it'll sound prettier lol.

Ho dato il mio cuore a voi.
Si allontanò, mantenendolo sicuro nella tasca posteriore dei pantaloni.
Su un tipo educato e vicino al gesto amichevole
Chiedo di nuovo.
Voi ridete, dico di no, continuare a camminare.
Mentre nella tasca posteriore dei pantaloni si pensa che è sicuro.
Non lo è.
Quando ti siedi accanto a lei si schiaccia.
Quando gettate i vostri indumenti a terra
la velocità che le fratture
E quando qualcuno lo tira fuori di tasca
E si chiede ... "che cosa è questo"
Si rompe definitivamente.
Si stanno distruggendo la mia proprietà.
Questo io non apprezzo.
non è il mio cuore abbastanza buono da indossare al collo
troppo tenerlo vicino a te
di non tenere una cosa fragile in un posto così sconsiderato?
Perché se non lo è.
Si prega di restituire a me immediatamente.
Invece di dire che ti terrà al sicuro.
Perché io sono meglio a mantenere le mie cose sicure
di quello che sarà mai


Translation:

I gave my heart to you.
You walked away, keeping it safe in your back pocket.
Out of a kind polite and close to friendly gesture
I ask for it back.
You laugh, say no, continue walking.
While in your back pocket you think it is safe.
It is not.
When you sit down next to her you squeeze it.
When you throw your garments to the floor
the velocity fractures it
And when someone takes it out of your pocket
And asks you..."what is this"
It finally breaks.
You are destroying my property.
This I do not appreciate.
is my heart not good enough to wear around your neck
too keep it close to you
to not keep such a fragile thing in such a reckless spot?
Because if it is not.
Please return it to me immediately.
Instead of telling me you will keep it safe.
Because i'm better at keeping my own things safe
than you will ever be

Sunday, November 14, 2010

Transit Alternatives for the Modern New yorker.

With the constant rising price of gas and the continuous ass and wallet rape-age the MTA issues to its riders in the form of a new years present every year I have come up with 5 simple transit solutions that are or will be available to us in the near to not so distant future.

Bicycles: (and if you never learned to ride one...shoot yourself. I had my best friend teach me for 2 weeks in a hallway in what is supposed to be the projects when i was 11... if i can learn anyone can but thats besides the point) New york is already fat... wouldn't it a. Help with exercise b.saving the environment since everyone is so OBSESSED with being "green". Look, a decent bike cost about $400-$1,000+ but guess what by 2011 youll be spending about $99 for 90 rides on an 'unlimited' metro card or some shit...meaning in about 4 months tops youll be spending about $400...are you aware that it only takes .75 cents to fill your bike full of air... Now the down side of this solution is that you wont be able to get too far unless you have thighs of steel considering many of you dont... this brings us to option b.

Vespas: The vehicle of the casual dork who think they're in italy. With a vespa, you get 75 miles per gallon hold up to 2.4 gallons of gas anyway, and they go anywhere from 39-80 mph. Maximum speed... considering the legal speed rate in Nyc IS 30mph... it would make sense to get one, it would make you less able to get a ticket for speeding...anyways what cop will stop someone in a vespa...they'll probably laugh at you for riding one around... BUT if you get one thats black, you'll look bad ass...they'd probably even mistake it for a motorcycle... for 2 seconds until they realize its a vespa, and then continue laughing at you.

Option c... is very simple, because i havent covered the problem of those pesky bridges and tunnels. Which the MTA is also ass tapping everyone on. to go under it?.... subway ($$$) to travel on it... Tolls ($$$)...so how about getting over it?!?!?!.

Jet Packs: come on they cant charge you if they cant reach you... alright maybe theres a risk of your Jet pack combusting and you meeting a fiery death over the Hudson, you may even get hit by a commercial plane or a news ch. 7 helicopter, but if you manage to safely conduct this trip the view is beautiful...Just remember dont go to high, at a certain altitude you're no longer able to breath and you miiight just suffocate.

Hovering/Flying Cars: A safer alternative to the jetpack....so if you do get hit by a plane/news channel 7 copter, you'd at least have a chance to to note how stupid you were for texting and flying when theres shit like planes in the air before you explode... -_- but you still wouldnt have to pay for Fares bridges and tunnels... A risk you'd have to take.

of course this is new york. they'd find a way to make you pay for sky use in about 2 weeks-1 month after this shit got put into place. Which leads me to option D... or E.

Tubes: you know like the ones in futurama where they suck you in and take you to your destination. only problem would be....ever imagine hitting a speeding person going at 40mph and your going at the same speed... whip-lash like a mother fucker for one... and a really big mess to clean up x_x



Sunday, May 9, 2010

The Ninja Manifesto

the other day some wavy ass dude asked e a question....

why are you a ninja? -_- because if you weren't aware.... I AM a ninja. but at makes me a ninja...

im not asian.
i dont dress in black
i dont do acrobatic shit...well a little bit
and if i killed people...you still wouldnt know.
I DO like playing with sharp objects. ex. knives, swords, knives.
I AM a stealth ass person no doubt about that.... i creep up on myself sometimes its kind of scary.

but here is why im a ninja.

No one really knows who i am... and if you do know me, theres a good chance you still dont.
when you first see me and you'll think one of two things
#1: What a bitch
#2: shes so perky and lively

...ill tell you one thing... im not really any of those things, but you wouldnt really notice.
and after you do get to know me, you'll be ale to kind of figure me out... a little...but still? not that much...trust me on that.
So heres a ball of potential, and mystery floating around with the world unknowing of what it's capable of.
Until its too late of couse... and then your left scratching your head like....wtf just happened.
this is applicable in all categories: School, business, life...
you'll never see what i have in store, you'll never see me comin.
and thats the best way to be.... ninja. the only wayto be. ;)

Thursday, December 3, 2009

Williamsburg....Thug Town U.S.A.

sorry ari,

williamsburg is not brooklyn.

it MIGHT be brooklyns cousin in-law

or Brooklyn's distant cousin...

but more than likely it is Manhattans hipster daughter.

respectively the L ang G goes there.... the G being the most useless train in the MTA System and the L... why do u have to go into Manhattan from Brooklyn to catch a train that goes right back into Brooklyn -.- wtf.

We all know thats where all the Hipsters... or as i like to call them demi-permanent tourist, come to live when they want to seem cultured to their friends back in San Fran or wherever the hell they're from when they say 'yea i live in brooklyn' and they listen to their abstract hip hop subwoofer under ground shit and think they know something about where they live....

-_- no u don't. so chill.... seriously

you love New york?
I Love new york
Go love you're own frickin hometown Williamsburgers.

Im from Flatbush... im from Brooklyn. I have more respect for the demi permanent tourist who live in parkslope/prospect park than stupid williamsburg. they like negroes...so we like them.

so for the last time.... williamsburg... noooot brooklyn.

(none of this applies to Ari B. cuz i love her life)

Rx

Just slap a disclaimer on me... cuz i think im beginning t qualify for one

Instead of 'goals' i call new pursuits search and destroy... cuz thats exactly what i intend on doing... well not intentionally.

dear user,

please exercise caution while attempting to use this 'product' be advised that you may

get a giant headache, be physically harmed, become really confused, get kicked numerous places... numerous amounts of times, get screamed on, get emotionally hurt, become apologetic, become attached (no bueno), and still be confused, when i start to ignore you you're gonna be think im a bitch... but when i start to ignore you...

I wont care -.-

no one said i was a nice person... cuz im not.
(at least to people i dont like...especially to people i really dont like... openly to people i kinda dont like)

im a snarky asshole

real snarky

I equally insult everyone... except for fat people... cuz i feel bad insulting them being small and all i think they're about to start planning my bitter demise.

when it comes to tellin the truth i always tell you... but i have terrible time so while trying to help you i might hurt you. womp... but i expect the same thing in return... llike i always say 'im a big girl i can handle it'

I no longer believe in strong emotions... to me emotions are like landmines... any emotion especially good ones... its all smooth sailing until ur leg gets blown off and ur walking around like peg legged petey and everyone is all like...wtf happened to you ?

This is good for me... bad for the rest of mankind... im gunna just do me, which is like a cardinal sin? lol... karma... i guess ill still live by it or try to but i refuse to be in that place again where i'm more than expected to cry at least once for the whole day. Search and destroy... Is my motivation for operation

Locate Target-->Lock on target---> blow that motha up...mission accomplished. NEXT

coppin Jay-Z: if your having guy problems i feel bad for you son i got 99 problems but niggaz aint one =) - try me... cant fuck with people no more man...theyre distracting me from creating the big picture.

side effects may include nausea fatigue empty stomach, a broken nose, crushed ego, hurt feelings... im sorry. -_- not really

im kinda sensitive. i am... but was jesus sensitive? was Ghandi sensitive? ... they may have been-__- bad examples...

OOH I GOT ONE

malcolm X. Sensitive... hells no. he had guns and shit, yea back in his hey day he wore zoot suites and jumped and jived like a fairy but when it was time ti gets down with the get down... he got down. but then he inspired a whole bunch of people who were from america who wanted to rename themselves mutmbe and zanzibar and all that crap in the late 70's to early 1990's and shit was not cool
but by any means necessary that was malcolm x for ya.

wtf am i talking about... i think i just managed to confuse myself into going off tangent and prematurely ending this blog.

side effects of being me... talking too much about nothing,

Tuesday, December 1, 2009

He's Just Not That into You

the sub-titile to this is.... "and even if he was he's semi-retarded if not completely brain dead and completely not worth your time" this is for my favorite kind of girl in the world....

the stupid girl.

but every girl is an island... of stupid.

no one girl can be set aside as the stupid bitch cuz truthfully speaking at one point or another it happens to the best of us, the difference between a stupid girl and a REALLY stupid girl is that the stupid girl goes "hey im being stupid, that's not cool" while the REALLY stupid girl goes 'meh' and her brain continues to deteriorate faster than watching all 3 seasons of flavor of love in one sitting (that's alot of deterioration).

Ive seen the pillar and most potent non diluted form of stupidity...and douchebaggery yes its a word now here are some brief pointers.

If he Lies to you.

Cheats on you...once or multiple times

Tries to stick you on other people

Give you the i'm not ready for a relationship' shazzam

only expresses minor emotion towards you when his breath is coated in his favorite alcoholic beverage. i.e. bacardi, or vodka.

Ignores you

Make it so easy to let you go

Comes back to you and it feels like he only wants poon

tells his friends your a crazy bitch

vomits on your shoes and doesnt even say 'my bad'

openly flirts with other girls in front of you regardless of your feelings

dates a guy

Hits you -__-

then hes that entire title+subtitle and plusss a lousy piece of shit

and if you go back to these masters of douchebaggery you my friend fall into the subcategory of stupid, the VERY stupid. The girls who continuously get fucked in the ass by some foreign thing and their like 'why does this happen to me'? trying to play the victim...

heres why it happened.

cuz your stupid...

and if you are a victim...your a victim of your own stupidity. so that's ur fault kiddo.

females got through the suffrage movement, childbirth, living in a world where we still have to fight for people not to look at us as the weaker gender though by physical design we are, AND ancient Egypt... yea Egypt was effing intense.

your gonna let a little penis fuck up thousands of years of progress????
are you retarded?

get a fucking back bone.
stop being such a vagina.... you have one doesn't mean you have to be one.

fuck your feelings who gives a shit. No one. well they might but that's besides the point.

emotions dont do anything, they just complicate things...crying doesn't make you feel better... how does congestion, runny mascara, eyeliner, rudolph nose, and anxiety make you feel better.

whoever said that needs to be shanked in their life...repeatedly.

if he's semi-retarded if not completely brain dead and completely not worth your time... then run. like the wind, like a ninja in the darkness... (ninja assassin reference)

who wants to be with a brain dead mother fucker any ways?
they have problems controlling their saliva output.

so theyll drool all over your feet and wont even say ''my bad''

Thursday, April 23, 2009

A.D.D./ 3 for 1/ The Death of Mr. Chew

While still reeling over the fact that i stepped in a HUGE PILE OF MYSTERY SHIT last night and got it all over my sneakers and had to clean it off with scalding hot water (have you ever smelled hot shit before... not a pleasant smell), clorox, and body wash. I now literally want to burn everything i own and i attempted to wipe myself off with clorox last night as well as every surface i touched.... Crazy???? WELL next time u step in shit and have to clean it off of your sneakers you tell me how you handled things.

Now i live with and come to a simple conclusion... I.

am a spazz... well not such a spazz moreover-so a nervous wreck.
.

But on a LIGHTER NOTE. there's this kid sitting across from me right now... Little does he know that i will eventually murder him...

You see this kid is a dick-face he's probably completely aware of this... So yesterday while i was having a meeting in my sororities meeting room, this guy....Lucas Chu .... Or Chew... however the fuck you want to spell it, was location scouting for a project that he was looking to shoot.

This absent minded Genius comes to my room...sees me... he knows me... I HAD CLASS WITH HIM about 2 hours ago that same day...Looks in the room...like we're suppose to get out??? The nerve of this cunt stick WE'VE HAD THAT ROOM FOR 17 YEARS!.

So upon realizing that he couldnt get this room him and his group walks away...

okay cool...

Then he Gave us the finger...

-_- are u fucking serious?!

Oooh it gets better THE STUPID BITCH GAVE US THE FINGER AND MY ROOM HAS GLASS WALLS!!!! ITS NOT LIKE I CAN'T FUCKING SEE HIM! I CAN CLEARLY SEE HIM GIVING US THE FINGER.

IF YOUR GONNA GIVE SOMEONE THE FINGER WHILE WALKING AWAY AT LEAST MAKE SURE THE PERSON CANT FUCKING SEE U... SHIT IF YOU WANT THEM TO SEE YOU STAY AT THE GLASS WALL...AND GIVE THEM THE FINGER.

So Lucas Chew... Fuck Yew...

Ur on my List.