Dont hang yourself Kid...Makes no sense.

Ive always wondered why people try to kill themselves.
I've personally said the only time i would consider was if i were sold into prostitution, a 40 year old homeless crack friend, or dying of that incurable rampant sexual illness.

but personally as horrible as it may sound, I have no sympathy for teens who try to kill themselves. Especially because other spermless snot nosed little kids are teasing them
.

Kids beat me up all the time in Jr. High. I've been called ugly, anorexic, flat chested, had my head bashed on desk, teeth knocked out, I've had people turn on me because picking on me was cool, glasses knocked off my face, kicked in the stomach in the snow, even guys took a swing at me, all of this before i hit 13. Did my mom take me out of the school? No... you know what she did she kept my ass in there for 3 years, 3 years when kids didn't like me because i was different, beat me up because i didn't act like them or like the same things they did and because i used big words but I had to stay there. There is where i learned, people may hit you and try to take you down with their words and belittle you because they don't understand you...so the fuck what. Never stop being yourself...Because when i graduated Jr high, kids still thought i was weird as fuck...But i was ready to go into high school knowing i was weird as fuck and no stupid kid could tease me out of acting otherwise.

Did i try to kill myself at least once...no. Did i become manically depressed, well yea what can you do because that and puberty will fuck a kid up. Which lead into my pseudo musical theater vocal geek emo rocker phase in high school. But while kids were acting tormented because of hormones and because it was a way to separate themselves and make them 'unique', people failed to understand that i was tormented because...well fuck i had been tormented, i don't even think i ever told my best friend what had happened because i was too depressed to talk about it, and she just thought i was being crazy. Children are evil, ghetto children are the spawns of satan. But regardless I didn't go around cutting myself in bathtubs and shit because through being bullied at a young age i gained a single secular understanding...

I may not be the most appealing right now but I'm a better person, smarter, and 12 year old girls aren't supposed to have DD's its not natural.

Kids still teased me in High School...and even though they tried to whisper..thats one thing teenage girls are horrible at. And it would suck sometimes...but i reveled in the fact i was different, because after you get your tooth knocked out by some prepubescent teenage boy and beat up by numerous pre adolescent girls... No one can really hurt you with words. The first and only girl who tried to beat me up in high school was pleasantly surprised when i was more than willing to knock her ass out if she even tried that shit... Last time i heard of such silly talk.

as oprah says in the color purple "all my life i had to fight"
and if i had to slap some bitch with a white glove to defend my honor well then. ::slap slap::

But i remembered the last day of High School one of my favorite teachers said something to me.
"At a very young age you've managed to do something most people your age haven't done yet, you've learned who you are and you refuse to change for anyone...keep that up kid, and you'll go far in life." - Mr. Kearney.

So i understand how it is to feel as if no one likes you and the word is against you, and theres this burdening dark hole that you feel you'd never get out of. And while most people 12-17 feel that way i have the stories and the assault photos submitted to the NYPD to prove it. Kids look at this point as the be all and end all of existence. From someone whose been through it and came out slightly unstable but non suicidal i don't see the point to wanting to kill yourself because a group of people don't like you.

You know what i learned when that shit happened. Someones bigger than you? Stronger than you? the minute they try to disrespect you stand tall and start cursing niggas out. Learn how to take pain so just in case you get hit you won't be afraid to strike back, don't kill yourself dammit.  Its retarded. I haven't had to physically fight in like 11 years because instead of boohooing in a dark corner of my room listening to 'The Used' I've learned how to use my mouth and now people don't even want to have verbal arguments with me...So i am at peace.

And once i graduated high school with a sense of self i also exited my awkward phase that summer so shit gets better. So now i have a new secular belief

I may be pretty appealing, but it doesn't matter because I'm smart, life has made me a better AWESOME person, and 12 year olds still shouldn't have double DD's... still not natural.

Kiss and Control.

Metaphorically this is the way all relationships begin... Honestly

You never know which one your gonna get... but you know only one is the winner.

This is only metaphorically speaking...

but eventually you wise up and get rid of the whore and the gold digger and are left with you're three final options.

#1. The clinger... Cute cuddly easily teary eyed annoying as hell... you don't know whether to hug them or smack them...but initially you do one better...get rid of them, next.

#2. Everyone loves a crazy bitch...until she keys your car and throws your pet bunny in a pot of boiling water right? just imagine what she can do to humans... you wouldn't want to piss her off so its best you don't get involved... Next.

Shes sweet, but she has an ugly bad side if you piss her off...but shes cute when shes throwing shoes at your face... This seems like the one who can be your closest friend and strongest ally ... she seems like the one so you do what any good poke master would do.

Choose...duh. Choose/v./\ˈchüz\: To select freely and after consideration.

This means if you chose to be in a relationship with this girl...over the crazy, whore, one and the one who wanted all of your money then why... do you go crazy. once your in a relationship, though you found this individual the most special one to be with out of all the rest...

Shit i don't understand

1. Facebook Passwords: why must you exchange this? the first pillar of any good relationship is trust... A person doesn't have to give up privacy until you put a ring on that persons finger... If you are so paranoid that they are fucking around on you...why the hell are you with them in the first place.

2. Restrictions on who you can/cannot hang out with: if you have a problem with them...fine if i have a problem with them...fine... but if either of us were friends with these people before our significant other became apart of the equation...who are they to tell you that you cannot hang out with your own friends... you are not the parent of your significant other...and even parent don't do that shit. If you dont like a person...you stay away from them, don't try to impose your view on someone else... go somewhere with that shit.

3. Restrictions on where you can/cannot go: because there are boys/girls there? so. if this is the person you CHOOSE to be with that means you both should have a mutual respect and understanding that there shall be no funny business going on at these clubs/social gatherings... unless once again your insecure about your relationship.

4. Having another individual running your life because of love.

Go to 1:11 to see what happened to the last woman who did that

And...eventually she even said... whats love got to do with it.

(this is me face palming myself...)

because the shit i dont understand...is you people allow yourself to get so caught up in these relationships...that you go fucking stupid. you lose your sense of self your sense of independence...you cant go anywhere without your boyfriend, you don't want your girlfriend to go anywhere without you because your afraid she's gonna cheat. It would be better of you didn't want her to go any where for some sensible reason like you were afraid she would get abducted by the yazuka, or African ninjas or some shit

There's this old saying.

"you give someone an inch they will take a mile."

a big mile

and half of you are miserable in relationships because you think its okay to take mile long advantages over another persons life just cuz to an extent you thing you own them and vice versa.

you think its okay to accept lies from them because ...because...your fucking dumb

you think its okay to abandon your friends for these people, because you love them so much when truth is...if you two ever realized how fucked up your relationship is, and decide to break up...who are you going to cry to?

and there are more than one of you out there...so many of you do this shit... and so many of you are completely aware of how stupid your being...but some of you can snap out of it. Good.

I dont know a lot about love but in my world...with Pokeballs and shit. Love is about compromise not control. The day you feel as if your sacrificing inches of your freedom in exchange for not another persons happiness...but simply their comfort is the day that your relationship is.>>

yup... I went there.

So please for the love of god... of your in a relationship. Do me a favor, learn to love care cherish and appreciate each other.... and try your absolute best not to make each others lives fucking miserable... cuz that my friends...makes no fucking sense...at all.

Safe Keeping.

This is a poem i wrote... Wrote it in another language because i think it'll sound prettier lol.

Ho dato il mio cuore a voi.
Si allontanò, mantenendolo sicuro nella tasca posteriore dei pantaloni.
Su un tipo educato e vicino al gesto amichevole
Chiedo di nuovo.
Voi ridete, dico di no, continuare a camminare.
Mentre nella tasca posteriore dei pantaloni si pensa che è sicuro.
Non lo è.
Quando ti siedi accanto a lei si schiaccia.
Quando gettate i vostri indumenti a terra
la velocità che le fratture
E quando qualcuno lo tira fuori di tasca
E si chiede ... "che cosa è questo"
Si rompe definitivamente.
Si stanno distruggendo la mia proprietà.
Questo io non apprezzo.
non è il mio cuore abbastanza buono da indossare al collo
troppo tenerlo vicino a te
di non tenere una cosa fragile in un posto così sconsiderato?
Perché se non lo è.
Si prega di restituire a me immediatamente.
Invece di dire che ti terrà al sicuro.
Perché io sono meglio a mantenere le mie cose sicure
di quello che sarà mai

Translation:

I gave my heart to you.

You walked away, keeping it safe in your back pocket.

Out of a kind polite and close to friendly gesture

I ask for it back.

You laugh, say no, continue walking.

While in your back pocket you think it is safe.

It is not.

When you sit down next to her you squeeze it.

When you throw your garments to the floor

the velocity fractures it

And when someone takes it out of your pocket

And asks you..."what is this"

It finally breaks.

You are destroying my property.

This I do not appreciate.

is my heart not good enough to wear around your neck

too keep it close to you

to not keep such a fragile thing in such a reckless spot?

Because if it is not.

Please return it to me immediately.

Instead of telling me you will keep it safe.

Because i'm better at keeping my own things safe

than you will ever be

Transit Alternatives for the Modern New yorker.

With the constant rising price of gas and the continuous ass and wallet rape-age the MTA issues to its riders in the form of a new years present every year I have come up with 5 simple transit solutions that are or will be available to us in the near to not so distant future.

Bicycles: (and if you never learned to ride one...shoot yourself. I had my best friend teach me for 2 weeks in a hallway in what is supposed to be the projects when i was 11... if i can learn anyone can but thats besides the point) New york is already fat... wouldn't it a. Help with exercise b.saving the environment since everyone is so OBSESSED with being "green". Look, a decent bike cost about $400-$1,000+ but guess what by 2011 youll be spending about $99 for 90 rides on an 'unlimited' metro card or some shit...meaning in about 4 months tops youll be spending about $400...are you aware that it only takes .75 cents to fill your bike full of air... Now the down side of this solution is that you wont be able to get too far unless you have thighs of steel considering many of you dont... this brings us to option b.

Vespas: The vehicle of the casual dork who think they're in italy. With a vespa, you get 75 miles per gallon hold up to 2.4 gallons of gas anyway, and they go anywhere from 39-80 mph. Maximum speed... considering the legal speed rate in Nyc IS 30mph... it would make sense to get one, it would make you less able to get a ticket for speeding...anyways what cop will stop someone in a vespa...they'll probably laugh at you for riding one around... BUT if you get one thats black, you'll look bad ass...they'd probably even mistake it for a motorcycle... for 2 seconds until they realize its a vespa, and then continue laughing at you.

Option c... is very simple, because i havent covered the problem of those pesky bridges and tunnels. Which the MTA is also ass tapping everyone on. to go under it?.... subway ($$$) to travel on it... Tolls ($$$)...so how about getting over it?!?!?!.

Jet Packs: come on they cant charge you if they cant reach you... alright maybe theres a risk of your Jet pack combusting and you meeting a fiery death over the Hudson, you may even get hit by a commercial plane or a news ch. 7 helicopter, but if you manage to safely conduct this trip the view is beautiful...Just remember dont go to high, at a certain altitude you're no longer able to breath and you miiight just suffocate.

Hovering/Flying Cars: A safer alternative to the jetpack....so if you do get hit by a plane/news channel 7 copter, you'd at least have a chance to to note how stupid you were for texting and flying when theres shit like planes in the air before you explode... -_- but you still wouldnt have to pay for Fares bridges and tunnels... A risk you'd have to take.

of course this is new york. they'd find a way to make you pay for sky use in about 2 weeks-1 month after this shit got put into place. Which leads me to option D... or E.

Tubes: you know like the ones in futurama where they suck you in and take you to your destination. only problem would be....ever imagine hitting a speeding person going at 40mph and your going at the same speed... whip-lash like a mother fucker for one... and a really big mess to clean up x_x

The Ninja Manifesto

the other day some wavy ass dude asked e a question....

why are you a ninja? -_- because if you weren't aware.... I AM a ninja. but at makes me a ninja...

im not asian.
i dont dress in black
i dont do acrobatic shit...well a little bit
and if i killed people...you still wouldnt know.
I DO like playing with sharp objects. ex. knives, swords, knives.
I AM a stealth ass person no doubt about that.... i creep up on myself sometimes its kind of scary.

but here is why im a ninja.

No one really knows who i am... and if you do know me, theres a good chance you still dont.
when you first see me and you'll think one of two things
#1: What a bitch
#2: shes so perky and lively

...ill tell you one thing... im not really any of those things, but you wouldnt really notice.
and after you do get to know me, you'll be ale to kind of figure me out... a little...but still? not that much...trust me on that.
So heres a ball of potential, and mystery floating around with the world unknowing of what it's capable of.
Until its too late of couse... and then your left scratching your head like....wtf just happened.
this is applicable in all categories: School, business, life...
you'll never see what i have in store, you'll never see me comin.
and thats the best way to be.... ninja. the only wayto be. ;)

Williamsburg....Thug Town U.S.A.

sorry ari,

williamsburg is not brooklyn.

it MIGHT be brooklyns cousin in-law

or Brooklyn's distant cousin...

but more than likely it is Manhattans hipster daughter.

respectively the L ang G goes there.... the G being the most useless train in the MTA System and the L... why do u have to go into Manhattan from Brooklyn to catch a train that goes right back into Brooklyn -.- wtf.

We all know thats where all the Hipsters... or as i like to call them demi-permanent tourist, come to live when they want to seem cultured to their friends back in San Fran or wherever the hell they're from when they say 'yea i live in brooklyn' and they listen to their abstract hip hop subwoofer under ground shit and think they know something about where they live....

-_- no u don't. so chill.... seriously

you love New york?
I Love new york
Go love you're own frickin hometown Williamsburgers.

Im from Flatbush... im from Brooklyn. I have more respect for the demi permanent tourist who live in parkslope/prospect park than stupid williamsburg. they like negroes...so we like them.

so for the last time.... williamsburg... noooot brooklyn.

(none of this applies to Ari B. cuz i love her life)

Rx

Just slap a disclaimer on me... cuz i think im beginning t qualify for one

Instead of 'goals' i call new pursuits search and destroy... cuz thats exactly what i intend on doing... well not intentionally.

dear user,

please exercise caution while attempting to use this 'product' be advised that you may

get a giant headache, be physically harmed, become really confused, get kicked numerous places... numerous amounts of times, get screamed on, get emotionally hurt, become apologetic, become attached (no bueno), and still be confused, when i start to ignore you you're gonna be think im a bitch... but when i start to ignore you...

I wont care -.-

no one said i was a nice person... cuz im not.
(at least to people i dont like...especially to people i really dont like... openly to people i kinda dont like)

im a snarky asshole

real snarky

I equally insult everyone... except for fat people... cuz i feel bad insulting them being small and all i think they're about to start planning my bitter demise.

when it comes to tellin the truth i always tell you... but i have terrible time so while trying to help you i might hurt you. womp... but i expect the same thing in return... llike i always say 'im a big girl i can handle it'

I no longer believe in strong emotions... to me emotions are like landmines... any emotion especially good ones... its all smooth sailing until ur leg gets blown off and ur walking around like peg legged petey and everyone is all like...wtf happened to you ?

This is good for me... bad for the rest of mankind... im gunna just do me, which is like a cardinal sin? lol... karma... i guess ill still live by it or try to but i refuse to be in that place again where i'm more than expected to cry at least once for the whole day. Search and destroy... Is my motivation for operation

Locate Target-->Lock on target---> blow that motha up...mission accomplished. NEXT

coppin Jay-Z: if your having guy problems i feel bad for you son i got 99 problems but niggaz aint one =) - try me... cant fuck with people no more man...theyre distracting me from creating the big picture.

side effects may include nausea fatigue empty stomach, a broken nose, crushed ego, hurt feelings... im sorry. -_- not really

im kinda sensitive. i am... but was jesus sensitive? was Ghandi sensitive? ... they may have been-__- bad examples...

OOH I GOT ONE

malcolm X. Sensitive... hells no. he had guns and shit, yea back in his hey day he wore zoot suites and jumped and jived like a fairy but when it was time ti gets down with the get down... he got down. but then he inspired a whole bunch of people who were from america who wanted to rename themselves mutmbe and zanzibar and all that crap in the late 70's to early 1990's and shit was not cool
but by any means necessary that was malcolm x for ya.

wtf am i talking about... i think i just managed to confuse myself into going off tangent and prematurely ending this blog.

side effects of being me... talking too much about nothing,