Bicycles: (and if you never learned to ride one...shoot yourself. I had my best friend teach me for 2 weeks in a hallway in what is supposed to be the projects when i was 11... if i can learn anyone can but thats besides the point) New york is already fat... wouldn't it a. Help with exercise b.saving the environment since everyone is so OBSESSED with being "green". Look, a decent bike cost about $400-$1,000+ but guess what by 2011 youll be spending about $99 for 90 rides on an 'unlimited' metro card or some shit...meaning in about 4 months tops youll be spending about $400...are you aware that it only takes .75 cents to fill your bike full of air... Now the down side of this solution is that you wont be able to get too far unless you have thighs of steel considering many of you dont... this brings us to option b.
Vespas: The vehicle of the casual dork who think they're in italy. With a vespa, you get 75 miles per gallon hold up to 2.4 gallons of gas anyway, and they go anywhere from 39-80 mph. Maximum speed... considering the legal speed rate in Nyc IS 30mph... it would make sense to get one, it would make you less able to get a ticket for speeding...anyways what cop will stop someone in a vespa...they'll probably laugh at you for riding one around... BUT if you get one thats black, you'll look bad ass...they'd probably even mistake it for a motorcycle... for 2 seconds until they realize its a vespa, and then continue laughing at you.
Option c... is very simple, because i havent covered the problem of those pesky bridges and tunnels. Which the MTA is also ass tapping everyone on. to go under it?.... subway ($$$) to travel on it... Tolls ($$$)...so how about getting over it?!?!?!.
Jet Packs: come on they cant charge you if they cant reach you... alright maybe theres a risk of your Jet pack combusting and you meeting a fiery death over the Hudson, you may even get hit by a commercial plane or a news ch. 7 helicopter, but if you manage to safely conduct this trip the view is beautiful...Just remember dont go to high, at a certain altitude you're no longer able to breath and you miiight just suffocate.
Hovering/Flying Cars: A safer alternative to the jetpack....so if you do get hit by a plane/news channel 7 copter, you'd at least have a chance to to note how stupid you were for texting and flying when theres shit like planes in the air before you explode... -_- but you still wouldnt have to pay for Fares bridges and tunnels... A risk you'd have to take.
of course this is new york. they'd find a way to make you pay for sky use in about 2 weeks-1 month after this shit got put into place. Which leads me to option D... or E.
Tubes: you know like the ones in futurama where they suck you in and take you to your destination. only problem would be....ever imagine hitting a speeding person going at 40mph and your going at the same speed... whip-lash like a mother fucker for one... and a really big mess to clean up x_x
No comments:
Post a Comment